My car’s tire pressure light keeps going on and I hear a really loud, startling series of beeps. I check the tire pressure, it’s fine. This keeps happening, so I have determined my car is a drama queen.
Alright all you over achieving moms out there, we need to talk. It has come to my attention, through my elementary school connections, that some of you are upping the ante on St. Patrick’s Day.
According to my informants (who will sell you out for a snack size bag of Cheetos) “leprechauns” have been visiting the homes of children and doing a variety of unsavory acts like leaving behind green pee in the toilet, dumping trash cans and scattering magazines and shoes all over the floor. (that may just be my living room)
But, they are apparently also “good,” because they leave treats for the children like gold chocolate coins, and other assorted knickknacks and candy. Yeah, spoken like a person who does not have to clean the toilet, great deal for them. Well, this outrage has to stop.
First of all, you are bastardizing (I said it) a sacred holiday. Everyone knows St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated by eating boiled meat and vegetable products, which soak up the cheap, artificially colored beer you consume in far to large quantities. Do you regret it almost immediately, yes you do, but we don’t just quit on traditions, we are Americans (pretending to be Irish).
Second, real leprechauns are terrifying and we should not be encouraging our wee ones to trust and love them. How do you plan to explain that the leprechaun doesn’t have to flush, but your kids do? Why, because he’s a guest, do you really want to set that precedent? Don’t be surprised if the birthday party invites start to dry up if this is what you are teaching.
Leprechuan can’t be trusted, we have all seen the Lucky Charms commercials. That fellow does not have those children’s best interest at heart he just wants their food. Further, have none of you seen the movie Leprechaun, does this look like someone we should be encouraging our children to adore? I think not.
Finally, it is exhausting trying to keep up with all the holiday traditions as it is, do we really need to add one more thing to remember? I think I speak for most moms who struggle just to remember to send their kid to school in something green, preferable clean, to avoid them being pinched all day (which by the way, I forgot this year).
We don’t need you making us look bad, so cut it out. Try the green beer and boiled food, trust me it is much easier and it usually requires less cleaning up afterwards. Thank you for your time.
Comic-Con, what can I say, its an experience.
Upon arrival we realized something was different about this place as we pulled up behind a pedi-cab and Mr. Mayhem says “hey, that looks like the chair from Game of Thrones!” Having not seen the show, I said no, I think it looks like a Thanksgiving turkey, why someone would be driving a Thanksgiving pedi-cab in downtown San Diego in July I could not surmise.
We parked the car and paid a very reasonable $50 for the priviledge, why not, and waded into the madness. Everywhere you looked there was craziness, at every street corner people thrust swag items into your hand which you just accepted because at some point you realize it is futile to explain you don’t need a Defiance key ring, a True Blood rubber bracelet or an Ender’s Game button. My prize possession of this free crap bonanza is the Sharknado t-shirt.
We continued on to the actual convention hall. Now, we did not have tickets to get inside, but this did not matter, the spectacle surrounding the place was more than enough to entertain almost anyone. Behind the convention hall was a life size display of The Shire made completely of legos, the actual mystery machine from Scooby doo and three story tall inflatable Teen Titans, it was madness.
After taking in as much as our midwestern sensibilities could comprehend we made our way back to our car in its very expensive, tiny resting place. We made quite a haul that day, and saw many unusual sights but the highlight of my daughter’s day was captured in this picture, which she is now lobbying to have made into our Christmas card.