Monthly Archives: March 2013

Seriously Mr. Kohler, who does your marketing?

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photo bruce

Bruce, in his natural habitat.

Recently we finished a bathroom re-model project. I learned many things during this process, like everything takes and costs at least 20% more than you would think, sinks do not come with drains included, you never have enough tile and the smaller the granite job, the lower you are on the installation list.  But the best thing about the whole project was the purchase of a new toilet.

When we originally met with a remodeling company, who, by the way, quoted us a price which was a full $17,000.00 more than the project actually cost to complete, they advised us that Kohler products were top of line and we should not even consider using anything else, (I smell a kickback). Anyways, I have a soft spot in my heart for Kohler because I used to show Morgan horses and Herbert Kohler owns Kohler Stables and they won, a lot.

I always remember Mr. Kohler as an Ernest Hemingway type, world traveler, big game hunter, facial hair enthusiast.  Google him sometime, you’ll see what I mean. Kohler Stables had the very best of everything, it was a class operation from top to bottom.  I guess when your last name is Kohler and you live in Kohler, Wisconsin the world is your oyster.

I digress, back to the toilet.  I had seen the rather odd Kohler ads in magazines, which I apparently am not cultured enough to appreciate.  They have these weird, Toulouse Lautrec-ish figures mingled with sinks and toilets and are frankly very confusing, like a French art films.  Well, as I found out those more cultured ads are for the “readers,” they have an entirely different advertising campaign for the Lowe’s shopper.

As I strolled down the toilet aisle I could not help but be amused by the large blue and white banners over the Kohler products which proclaim the following;

photo

Well that’s nice, I guess those are qualities I admire in a toilet.  I mean seriously, who would to buy a toilet that openly announced it was WEAK or COWARDLY.  This clearly is meant to appeal to the NASCAR crowd of toilet shoppers.

We purchased one of these beasts and named it Bruce.  The packaging alone was worth the price. Now I know writing copy for a toilet box is probably not a job which requires a Master’s degree in creative writing, but the Kohler marketing department is top-notch. For instance, Bruce has the following impressive features:

♦ Single-flush gravity and precision-engineered tank, bowl, and trapway to create a strong siphon during flushing.  NICE! THE NEIGHBORS WILL BE SO JEALOUS!

♦AquaPiston canister allows water to flow into the bowl from all sides, increasing the power and effectiveness of the flush.  SERIOUSLY, ALL SIDES?  THANKS FOR THAT.

and my personal favorite,

♦Smarter Power. Flushes 4x more than the average adult needs. REALLY?  DEFINE AVERAGE!

Cheers,

Dazey

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Ennui, its not just for people anymore

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I have a serious case of ennui. What is that you may ask. Well, the definition of ennui (pronounced on-weeee) is “listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of occupation or excitement” Say what? Bored, ennui is a fancy way of saying I’m bored, its just more fun to say.

I thought I learned the word, like many things I know, from the TV show the X-Files. I was a big fan, and I remember a particularly creepy episode involving a guy lobotomizing people with an ice pick which I thought was called “Ennui.” Turns out it was called “Unruhe” which is German for unrest or anxiety, my bad. I must have learned it from my other reference source, the Gilmore Girls.

Anyways, I have a case of the winter blahs. Now my condition is not unique for people living in Ohio in March, but what is exceptional about my case is that I have apparently developed the ability to infect inanimate objects with debilitating cases of ennui.

It started with our bedside lamps, cute little things that light up when you touch their bases. About two weeks ago, they went rogue.  Turning off when they felt like it despite my polite explanation that I only had two pages left in my book; randomly refusing to turn off when directed, forcing me to find a sock on the floor in order to untwist the very hot light bulb so I could go to sleep.

At one point they started working in tandem, one would turn off when the other turned on, then they would alternate proper operation. Finally, one completely died apparently from “lack of occupation.”

Last night, while watching Sherlock Holmes on streaming Netflix, at the very moment the sponsor of the serial killer was about to be revealed, the screen froze and sat there buffering.  Seriously, it could not have timed it more perfectly.  As it turns out, our wi-fi router just gave up.  No warning, no apparent reason, but most certainly it experienced “dissatisfaction” probably for want of “excitement.”

We were never able to revive the router so Mr. Mayhem is off to the store today which is one task I have absolute certainty will be completed before I return home.  I know this because, my husband feels a house which does not have Call of Duty capabilities is practically uninhabitable.  Right now our X-box is purely decorative, this will be remedied, and quick.

Finally, this morning I awoke to a bracingly frigid house.  I staggered downstairs to find the thermostat with a completely blank screen.  Gave up,  just quit, resulting in no furnace and no heat on an 18 degree night.  An extraordinarily unpleasant surprise.

As it turns out, the programmable thermostat is not hard-wired, but instead is completely battery operated.  We were able to fix it, however, Lil’ Mayhem’s electronic drum set is now inoperable.  I am not sure that I am completely comfortable knowing that our household’s entire climate control system is reliant on the same power source that my daughter’s Disney Princess toothbrush uses.  Does this seem right?

Hopefully, spring will get here soon before I take out something else.

Cheers,

Dazey

Oh how I miss college and pro football

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I admittedly have a small addiction problem when it comes to football. I live for the weekends from September to January. And now, with the addition of Thursday night games, I am at a def-con 4 level of excitement pretty much all week. Good game, bad game, doesn’t matter, I watch them all.  But after the Super Bowl, sadly, there is no more football to watch and we are left to our own devices to fill the time, that is when something like this happens:

spa day

This would be a photo of the “spa day” in my daughter’s bedroom this Sunday.  Now, I generally do not go in for the fancy pantsery of facials, mani/pedis and the like, I am more of a wash-n-go kind of girl (I do put on sunscreen everyday, I am not a total heathen), however, I am never going to be accused of fussing over my looks.  But this weekend, such was my level of boredom, I fully participated in the Lil’ Mayhem Spa Experience.

Now I must say, for an event put on solely by a 9-year old, the snacks were outstanding, fruit salad, turkey cheese roll-ups and lingonberry spritzers.  I could have done without the oatmeal- yogurt facial, it was cold and clammy and I had to leave it on my face for 15 mins, but I did get to lie quietly on the floor and listen to lullaby music. That was nice.

The NFL draft is 55 days away and the Ohio State spring game is on my birthday (April 13th) this year.  So, I have these to look forward to, but in the meantime, God only knows what other adventures I will agree to in order to pass the time.

Cheers,

Dazey