Seriously Mr. Kohler, who does your marketing?

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photo bruce

Bruce, in his natural habitat.

Recently we finished a bathroom re-model project. I learned many things during this process, like everything takes and costs at least 20% more than you would think, sinks do not come with drains included, you never have enough tile and the smaller the granite job, the lower you are on the installation list.  But the best thing about the whole project was the purchase of a new toilet.

When we originally met with a remodeling company, who, by the way, quoted us a price which was a full $17,000.00 more than the project actually cost to complete, they advised us that Kohler products were top of line and we should not even consider using anything else, (I smell a kickback). Anyways, I have a soft spot in my heart for Kohler because I used to show Morgan horses and Herbert Kohler owns Kohler Stables and they won, a lot.

I always remember Mr. Kohler as an Ernest Hemingway type, world traveler, big game hunter, facial hair enthusiast.  Google him sometime, you’ll see what I mean. Kohler Stables had the very best of everything, it was a class operation from top to bottom.  I guess when your last name is Kohler and you live in Kohler, Wisconsin the world is your oyster.

I digress, back to the toilet.  I had seen the rather odd Kohler ads in magazines, which I apparently am not cultured enough to appreciate.  They have these weird, Toulouse Lautrec-ish figures mingled with sinks and toilets and are frankly very confusing, like a French art films.  Well, as I found out those more cultured ads are for the “readers,” they have an entirely different advertising campaign for the Lowe’s shopper.

As I strolled down the toilet aisle I could not help but be amused by the large blue and white banners over the Kohler products which proclaim the following;

photo

Well that’s nice, I guess those are qualities I admire in a toilet.  I mean seriously, who would to buy a toilet that openly announced it was WEAK or COWARDLY.  This clearly is meant to appeal to the NASCAR crowd of toilet shoppers.

We purchased one of these beasts and named it Bruce.  The packaging alone was worth the price. Now I know writing copy for a toilet box is probably not a job which requires a Master’s degree in creative writing, but the Kohler marketing department is top-notch. For instance, Bruce has the following impressive features:

♦ Single-flush gravity and precision-engineered tank, bowl, and trapway to create a strong siphon during flushing.  NICE! THE NEIGHBORS WILL BE SO JEALOUS!

♦AquaPiston canister allows water to flow into the bowl from all sides, increasing the power and effectiveness of the flush.  SERIOUSLY, ALL SIDES?  THANKS FOR THAT.

and my personal favorite,

♦Smarter Power. Flushes 4x more than the average adult needs. REALLY?  DEFINE AVERAGE!

Cheers,

Dazey

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