Category Archives: projects

Seriously Mr. Kohler, who does your marketing?

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photo bruce

Bruce, in his natural habitat.

Recently we finished a bathroom re-model project. I learned many things during this process, like everything takes and costs at least 20% more than you would think, sinks do not come with drains included, you never have enough tile and the smaller the granite job, the lower you are on the installation list.  But the best thing about the whole project was the purchase of a new toilet.

When we originally met with a remodeling company, who, by the way, quoted us a price which was a full $17,000.00 more than the project actually cost to complete, they advised us that Kohler products were top of line and we should not even consider using anything else, (I smell a kickback). Anyways, I have a soft spot in my heart for Kohler because I used to show Morgan horses and Herbert Kohler owns Kohler Stables and they won, a lot.

I always remember Mr. Kohler as an Ernest Hemingway type, world traveler, big game hunter, facial hair enthusiast.  Google him sometime, you’ll see what I mean. Kohler Stables had the very best of everything, it was a class operation from top to bottom.  I guess when your last name is Kohler and you live in Kohler, Wisconsin the world is your oyster.

I digress, back to the toilet.  I had seen the rather odd Kohler ads in magazines, which I apparently am not cultured enough to appreciate.  They have these weird, Toulouse Lautrec-ish figures mingled with sinks and toilets and are frankly very confusing, like a French art films.  Well, as I found out those more cultured ads are for the “readers,” they have an entirely different advertising campaign for the Lowe’s shopper.

As I strolled down the toilet aisle I could not help but be amused by the large blue and white banners over the Kohler products which proclaim the following;

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Well that’s nice, I guess those are qualities I admire in a toilet.  I mean seriously, who would to buy a toilet that openly announced it was WEAK or COWARDLY.  This clearly is meant to appeal to the NASCAR crowd of toilet shoppers.

We purchased one of these beasts and named it Bruce.  The packaging alone was worth the price. Now I know writing copy for a toilet box is probably not a job which requires a Master’s degree in creative writing, but the Kohler marketing department is top-notch. For instance, Bruce has the following impressive features:

♦ Single-flush gravity and precision-engineered tank, bowl, and trapway to create a strong siphon during flushing.  NICE! THE NEIGHBORS WILL BE SO JEALOUS!

♦AquaPiston canister allows water to flow into the bowl from all sides, increasing the power and effectiveness of the flush.  SERIOUSLY, ALL SIDES?  THANKS FOR THAT.

and my personal favorite,

♦Smarter Power. Flushes 4x more than the average adult needs. REALLY?  DEFINE AVERAGE!

Cheers,

Dazey

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Too close for missles. I’m switching to guns….

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Week 3 with no progress on the weight loss front. The needle on the scale is definitely to the left of the one in 140 but not enough to actually declare it to be 139.  At this point in the process every pound is coming off agonizingly slow, therefore, in the immortal words of Maverick in Top Gun,  I’m switching to guns.

This is a familiar theme in my weight loss career, get down to my regular weight and then all south bound progress ceases.  Now I know what you are going to say, I have heard it a million times, this is the right body weight for you.  And to that, I ask, who is in charge here?  Well, that answer is painfully obvious.

I am aware complaining that I cannot lose 5 pounds may sound, to those who have much greater challenges, like complaining that my diamond shoes are too tight, but this is my personal white whale.  I would like my weight to vary between 135-140 instead of 140-150.  Therefore, I want to get down to 135 and then let the swinging begin.  It is not as if I am asking to be a size 2, I am perfectly happy in an 8 that doesn’t leave lines on my belly.

Which, by the way, have you ever read a weight loss story and seen someone say they lost 30 pounds and now they are a size 0 (which frankly is not a size if you ask me), then you look at the picture and say no way.  I am sorry lady, but you are a size 8, maybe a 6, but no way in Hades are you wearing a 0, who are you trying to kid.  Be happy you lost those 30 pounds, rejoice in the fact you feel better and can chase your kids without losing your breath, but don’t try to over sell it by telling me you are a size 0, I have eyes, I’m gonna know.

After taking a brutally honest look at the situation, I know I am not cheating the diet, so it has to be the exercise element.  Since my Iphone has become to be the center of my universe I turned to it for answers. A while back, my daughter and I decided we wanted to overcome our hatred of running (well, I decided and convinced her it would be “fun” she’s 9 she still falls for that).  I downloaded the Couch to 5K app (C25K), I read about in an article about Jamie Curtis overcoming the same aversion to running.

We did it for about 3 weeks, but because we started in November, the weather and early darkness of day light savings time made us cut it off short of finishing the program.  I am not going to say it was fun, but I didn’t hate it as much as I thought I would and we both felt a sense of accomplishment.

So yesterday I starting the program over again, this time on the treadmill in my garage. The bad news is the garage smells weird because the rabbit has her winter condo in there (sorry Butterscotch, but rabbits can be kind of smelly).  The good news is I am working my way through my Gilmore Girls complete series DVD kit, so even if I don’t break the 5 pound barrier, I will have some sharp-witted quips with which to express my frustrations.

Cheers,

Dazey

Dieting is not fun…

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I set this blog up about 6 months ago, patted myself on the back for successfully navigating the WordPress site and promptly forgot to add content.  A lot has happened since last May, I won’t bore you with details, but I figured if I was going to have a blog I should actually write something.

My latest project, or as my husband refers to it, obsession, has been trying to take off a few pounds.   Here is what I have learned about myself, I don’t like dieting, not truly fond of exercise either, but sincerely don’t like dieting. Now I know this sounds like a fairly obvious observation, but I am usually a pretty adaptable person and this is a bit of a revelation for me.

Over the holidays I noticed that my pants were a bit tight and my middle was a little squishier than one might enjoy, so I decided to take charge.  Also, I was teaching a yoga class and caught a glimpse of my reflection in chair pose and wondered what those lumps were on the side of my thighs.  So, I read several diet/lifestyle change books, including Dr. Oz et al’s You on a Diet and undertook to drop anywhere from 12- 15 pounds. I tend to have a “can do” attitude so such undertakings are not unusual in my life.

Well, the first thing I learned is that it takes a caloric deficit of 3,500 to lose 1 pound.  Let that sink in a minute, 3,500 calories less than your daily allotment to lose 1 pound, Fair?  I think not.  A little quick math tells me I have to create a deficit of 42,000-52,500 to reach my goal.  Now I am daunted (and inexplicable hungry).

In my reading, I found reference to this app for my iPhone called Lose it! (the exclamation point is actually in the title, love the energy folks) This little dandy does the math for you and will track your food and exercise, well it will if you input all of your activities and whatever you put in your mouth.

In addition to Lose It! I received a Striiv pedometer for Christmas.  This little gem is addictive.  Striiv is more than a pedometer it is your non-judgmental best friend.  It creates little challenges for you, like walk 100 steps in the next 5 minutes.  Which is a nice way of saying, hey leadbottom, we noticed you haven’t moved in the last hour or so, how about a little stroll.  No judgment.

One of the features of Striiv is that you get to build your own little island, complete with flora, fauna and exotic outbuildings like fountains of youth, magician’s fire and warrior poet statue (you know, the regular stuff).  To purchase the plants and buildings you earn coins and then to build or grow them, you get energy points through your challenges and activities.  Sort of like Farmville or Smurf Village, but with exercise.

My family has questioned my sanity numerous times as I circle the couch while watching TV.  They don’t understand, my village needs me, that mermaid topiary is not going to build itself!

So anyways, I am firmly entrenched in my better living through technology project.  I am 10 pounds down, but have not gained any ground on my goal in almost 2 weeks.   Over the course of the next few weeks, I am going use my alloted digital space in the virtual world to chronicle my quest, so please feel free to check in whenever you want to feel good about yourself and see how I am doing.

Cheers!
Dazey